A little more of my story…

I am a woman in my mid-life and I am engaged to marry a beautiful woman also in her mid-life. Falling in love with Toni, I also found myself. I feel more myself than ever, I feel unconditionally loved and accepted completely as myself. I am a mother of two teenage girls and I was married to their father for 17-years. I was raised by a single-mother, and I never wanted to be a single-mother, some would say I stayed longer than I should have, others might say I didn’t fight hard enough. I know, I did the best I could with what I knew at the time, and my journey is exactly that, a part of my story that has shaped the woman I am today.

Most of my life I have felt a little bit different, a little bit like I didn’t fit the mold that I was being told to squeeze into. I struggled with friendships right through school, which was made worse by the fact that we moved around a lot and I went to a few different schools. I am and always was a dancer, when I was 3 I told my mum I wanted to dance and she put me into classes, and my journey as a dancer began. I started with Classical Ballet, I loved it, I was good at it, but I did not have the figure of a ballerina. In my teens I was told it was a shame, as I had the technique and skills, but not the figure. No one ever stopped and asked me what I wanted to do with my gifts and talent, if they had they would have found out I had no plans on being a prima-ballerina, but had dreams of teaching dance and being a choreographer. On top of this mid-way through highschool, when I was researching where I wanted to study dance after school to follow my dreams, I was advised by a teacher and directed to look at more practical career paths and maybe I was more suited to studying business. I did go on to complete a Bachelor of Commerce, majoring in Marketing and Public Relations. 

After graduating from uni I worked in sales and marketing for a few years, I was really good at my job, but I didn’t like who I had to be to survive in the corporate world, during this time I dabbled and explored other studies, and was studying Naturopathy when I became pregnant with my first daughter. Unfortunately, I was so unwell during my pregnancy, I had to stop studying. 

My first daughter’s arrival into the world was certainly not smooth sailing and a little traumatic, both myself and her father suffered with post-natal depression. Yes men can suffer with post-natal depression, although never diagnosed I suspect it may have been more PTSD. The first year of her life was extremely challenging, but we made it through and a couple of years later my second daughter was born. 

If I am completely honest with myself my journey as a wife and a mother was never easy, and we faced many challenges. During this time I did a lot of work on trying to find myself, my truth and once again seeked out study and alternate career paths, but never quite found the right fit for me. Which I feel was also amplified by a husband who didn’t believe in me, squashed my dreams and aspirations, but at the same time did not want to be the sole-provider and expected me to go out to work to help support our family. 

In 2012 I began a journey of major transformation, beginning with the physical body, where I went on an extreme diet and exercise program, losing a significant amount of weight and improving my fitness. I do believe this triggered the beginning of my journey back to myself. However, this journey sent me in a spiral down to a very low time in my life, when I became very unwell and suffered with severe adrenal fatigue. My fatigue was so extreme I was barely able to function day to day, let alone living. Which was extremely challenging with two young children at the time. Once again, I had to make some major changes and managed to turn my health around.

In 2020/2021 my entire world as I knew it got turned upside down, and not because of the global pandemic, although my anxiety did have a field day with that. It was because of a series of events… that occurred not long after my 40th birthday.

Firstly, after at least 2 years of telling doctors, something was not right (I was in a lot of pain by this time), I finally got diagnosed with a condition called Lichen sclerosus, which if left untreated can develop into vulva cancer. At the time of diagnosis, the gynecologist took biopsies to check for cancerous and pre-cancerous cells, and I had to wait a week to get the results, which thankfully were clear. However, due to the extensiveness of my condition I was required to do a 6-week intensive steroid treatment to get it under control and as this was in the height of the pandemic and the treatment could compromise my immune system, I was required to isolate for those 6-weeks. 

Then mid-2020 my youngest daughter got really sick and ended up in hospital for 8-nights, followed by months and months of specialist appointments and multiple diagnoses.

Finally, early 2021 my marriage started to crack apart, after several attempts to save it, by May 2021 I decided I was worthy of more, I was worthy of feeling loved and I was done being in a love-less marriage. During this time I also had some drastic events happen with my work, which meant right at the same time of becoming a single mum, I had to find a new job and a rental. 

Post separation, I spent over a year putting myself and my life back together, finding my new normal before I was ready to enter the world of dating, which was really scary at first. But I managed to have some fun along the way, being brave and allowing myself to explore feelings and desires I had hidden away so deep I had forgotten I even had them. 

When Toni and I first met we were both feeling lonely, despite being surrounded by caring people and seeking a deeper connection. I know for me, a part of me didn’t truly feel I was worthy to be loved unconditionally. The beginning of our love story is messy, just as life can be messy, but love won. We are living proof that no matter how messy life gets, at any given moment you can choose again. That choice can completely change your life trajectory. We now choose each other, to be partners in love and life. I am deeply in love with this woman and the life we are creating together. Toni makes me feel truly seen, loved and desired for me. In our journey together, I have been able to step more into my unique magic, to shine brighter and finally start to follow my passion.

I have been practicing Reiki Energy Healing, Spiritual Healing and various forms of energy work for over 25 years, but have never been brave enough to fully own this, to fully step into my power. I have wanted to study Life Coaching, specifically with Beautiful You Life Coaching Academy pretty much since its inception over 10-years ago and now I am finally following my heart and my passion.  

This journey has led me to where I am today, and who I am now. I am passionate and committed to holding space for women who are ready to step fully into their power, connect deeper with their inner wisdom and intuition, to live a more aligned life with joy. I work with women who are feeling disconnected from their body, desires and voice. They may be feeling overwhelmed, stuck or lost, and not sure how to move forward. If this is you, I invite you to contact me to discuss how best we can work together.